Sunday, May 17, 2009

American Hell v. Israeli Hell

Yom rishon, 23 Iyar 5769.
There are certain jokes that require a knowledge of a specific society or country to appreciate.  One of my favorite jokes would have meant nothing to me just a few years ago.  Now I laugh all the way down to my toes.               
A man dies and the angel says he is going to hell, but he gets a choice of American hell or Israeli hell. He asks, "What's American hell like?" So the angel answers, "In American hell, you live in a huge mansion overlooking the sea, with an indoor/outdoor pool and a whole staff to serve you hand and foot, including an award-winning chef who serves scrumptious meals of all types. You drive the latest luxury cars. But every day at 5 p.m., a guy comes and dips you into a vat of boiling water."

The man shudders and asks, "What about Israeli hell?" The angel answers, "In Israeli hell, you live in a tiny dilapidated apartment on the top of a 5-story building with no elevator and no air conditioning, overlooking a bus station. You drive a 15-year-old dusty gray Kangoo wagon that burns oil; and all your meals consist of bread, boiled eggs, tomatoes, and cucumbers. And every day at 5 p.m., a guy comes and dips you into a vat of boiling water."

So the guy asks, "Why would anyone pick Israeli hell?"

The angel answers him, "well... in Israeli hell, 5:00 is never really 5:00... half the time the guy with the vat never shows up because he's on army reserve duty, on vaction in Greece, is attending a bar mitzvah, or is busy with his part-time cab business. And of course, everyone knows that the water never gets all that hot anyway..."

(You know it's hell instead of heaven, because there's no mention of chumous...)


Haveil Havelim #217:  The Discount Edition is up at Shiloh Musings and at Me-Ander.  Two for the price of one!  Happy Birthday, Batya.
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